Negotiate Like a Child [Minus the Tantrums, of Course]

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Remember the show, “Are you smarter than a 5th grader” or the book, “All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten.”? Well, add Negotiation Skill and Prowess to the list of things we can learn from our children. 

There are several key factors that make children such formidable negotiators, and why “growing up” tends to diminish the tools needed to get the best possible negotiation outcomes. 

1)  Ceaseless Curiosity – also known as “Why, why, why?” – the broken record is intended to wear us down – and it does – but it is also very effective because a child genuinely wants to know why! They seek understanding even when we try to distract them or give them and non-answer answer to try and shut them down such as, “Because I said so!”.

2) Just Ask – As we grow up, we start to sift our questions through a sort of social sieve to filter out anything that might sound intrusive, or even to avoid making the other side feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. Children don’t. They see value in gathering information by any means necessary, and they are especially skilled at deciphering who has the information they need. They will ask their questions over and over again, without the fear of failure. Which brings me to #3…

3) Expected Outcomes – Unlike adults, children are much less concerned with the expected outcome. They don’t have the voice in their head saying “Well, she is just going to say no anyway…” or “He will never answer my question, so why even ask it?”. And, if they do have those reservations, they certainly don’t let it get in the way of progress like adults do. 

4) The When – I mentioned the Intuitive nature of children to know who has the information they want and/or with whom they should be negotiating (identifying the decision-makers), but they are also very intuitive when it comes to the when. They read us and – over time – they learn when is the best time to strike for maximum impact and gain.

5) Creativity – having options is critical for effective negotiation – on both sides of the table. If we become too attached to a particular outcome – or dig in our heels and take a stand – we are likely to miss a possible solution or trade that could add value to the transaction. Children are uninhibited enough to unapologetically bring creativity to the table, which opens the door to opportunities, solutions, and collaboration. This lack of inhibition and solution-focus has a positive impact on relationships as well.

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Video :: The Martingale :: A Losing Strategy for Gamblers & Negotiators

Also known as the “Double Down” Strategy, the Martingale is a betting strategy involving doubling the bet after each loss. In negotiations, the ‘double-down’ strategy is often employed as an ‘intimidation tactic’ using reckless maneuvers, bluster and a rapid escalation of the stakes to compel the other side to comply. In this video I explain the flaws in the Martingale Strategy though blackjack memory from teenage years. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel for more useful negotiation content and follow me @eiriktheexpert on Instagram!

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Back by Popular Demand! NEGOTIATION EXPERT (CNE) – Core Concepts ONLINE | September 13-15, 2022 |Eirik Davey-Gislason, Instructor

My next RENI Live! Online CNE-Core Concepts Seminar is September 13-15 from 10AM-3PM.

Your ability to negotiate effectively has never been more important – and successfully influencing others, building and maintaining trust-based relationships and creatively bringing deals to a close will determine your future and your clients’ success. Join Instructor Eirik Davey-Gislason for this valuable seminar and earn one of the most beneficial and sought-after designation in real estate – Certified Negotiation Expert, CNE®.

You can learn more about the CNE-Core Concepts Course here, and below are some key highlights:

  • Registration can be done through the REBNY website at https://bit.ly/NegotiationCourseSeptember2022
  • The investment for this seminar is $349 but a $50 discount is offered by REBNY making it $299 for REBNY Members! Registration includes the CNE® designation, a course manual, and all post-class materials. There is no processing fee for the designation and NO annual fee to keep it. Once you earn it, it is yours for life!
  • Our course content is rooted in the principles and techniques taught at the some of the country’s premiere Negotiation programs including Harvard University, the Wharton School and Stanford University.
  • CNE-Core Concepts Topics Include: Value Proposition, the Psychology of Buying, Power Balance, Negotiation Styles and Strategies, Persuasion Principles, Dealing with Common Competitive Tactics, Collaborative Best Practices, and much more!
  • Your Instructor, Eirik Davey-Gislason, is the CNE-CC and CNE-AC Instructor at REBNY, and a Licensed Associate Broker at Brown Harris Stevens in NYC (Village Office). He is a Master Certified Negotiation Expert, a former Director of Sales & Development (Cooper & Cooper Real Estate), a featured podcaster and panelist, and a passionate, knowledgeable and dynamic speaker. You can learn more about Eirik here.
  • Upon completion of the course you will earn 12 Elective Continuing Education Credits if you are licensed in the state of New York.

I welcome the opportunity to speak to you about our RENI Live! CNE ONLINE seminars and why every agent should have this skillset. I look forward to seeing you in class!


Eirik

Instagram: @EiriktheExpert

New Vlog :: Understanding Mortgage Interest Rates & Amortization Factors

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If you are wondering how the rising interest rates affect your specific purchase plan, this video is a MUST VIEW! It is worth understanding your mortgage payment on a deeper level, so you can make an informed decision regarding your dream to buy a new home.

NEGOTIATION EXPERT (CNE) – Core Concepts ONLINE | June 7-9, 2022 |Eirik Davey-Gislason, Instructor

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My next RENI Live! Online CNE-Core Concepts Seminar is June 7-9 from 10AM-3PM.

Your ability to negotiate effectively has never been more important – and successfully influencing others, building and maintaining trust-based relationships and creatively bringing deals to a close will determine your future and your clients’ success. Join Instructor Eirik Davey-Gislason for this valuable seminar and earn one of the most beneficial and sought-after designation in real estate – Certified Negotiation Expert, CNE®.

You can learn more about the CNE-Core Concepts Course here, and below are some key highlights:

  • Registration can be done through the REBNY website at https://bit.ly/NegotiationCourseJune2022
  • The investment for this seminar is $349 but a $50 discount is offered by REBNY making it $299 for REBNY Members! Registration includes the CNE® designation, a course manual, and all post-class materials. There is no processing fee for the designation and NO annual fee to keep it. Once you earn it, it is yours for life!
  • Our course content is rooted in the principles and techniques taught at the some of the country’s premiere Negotiation programs including Harvard University, the Wharton School and Stanford University.
  • CNE-Core Concepts Topics Include: Value Proposition, the Psychology of Buying, Power Balance, Negotiation Styles and Strategies, Persuasion Principles, Dealing with Common Competitive Tactics, Collaborative Best Practices, and much more!
  • Your Instructor, Eirik Davey-Gislason, is the CNE-CC and CNE-AC Instructor at REBNY, and a Licensed Associate Broker at Brown Harris Stevens in NYC (Village Office). He is a Master Certified Negotiation Expert, a former Director of Sales & Development (Cooper & Cooper Real Estate), a featured podcaster and panelist, and a passionate, knowledgeable and dynamic speaker. You can learn more about Eirik here.
  • Upon completion of the course you will earn 12 Elective Continuing Education Credits if you are licensed in the state of New York.

I welcome the opportunity to speak to you about our RENI Live! CNE ONLINE seminars and why every agent should have this skillset. I look forward to seeing you in class!


Eirik

Instagram: @EiriktheExpert

Go To The Balcony

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I hear this statement often from my coaching clients often, “Eirik, my client is irrational and unreasonable. I can’t force my client to do what I want. I don’t control their behavior.” To that I say, “You’re absolutely right. You cannot control your client — and you certainly can’t control the other side — but you can INFLUENCE them. You can PERSUADE them.” But, in order to influence or persuade anyone you have to be able to CONTROL yourself. As William Ury says, Go to the Balcony!

When the other person says no, takes a stand, or takes an aggressive position, we often respond with our own stand (positional bargaining). We dig in, fight back with a counter-attack, or we just shut down or give in. Instead of going with your knee-jerk, emotional reaction, follow Ury’s advice and “go to the balcony”. Suspend your reaction and give yourself a moment to strategize and plan an appropriate response by looking at the situation from a different vantage point. One where you are not “on the stage”, in the middle of the action, but above it with a view of where everyone is standing.

Going to the balcony will allow you to focus on interests, needs, and wants, rather than positions or stands.

Don’t react: Go to the balcony.

You Know WHAT to Say. But HOW?

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There is a great Mae West quote that has become widely known, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it!”

It seems so simple and straightforward, right? Wrong. So often in life, we just assume the other person will infer our intention, meaning and empathy – or we rely on the trust or rapport we have with that person to work like a pain killer. How you say it is paramount. That includes your choice of words, your tone of voice, your body language, facial expressions, eye contact, the empathetic and active listening skills that come before you open your mouth, and the environment and timing of your message. 

Think of the last time you needed to have a conversation with a seller about dropping price, or with a purchaser about offering over the ask in a highest & best scenario. So much more important that what you say to that client in that moment is how, when, who, and why. Take a step back and look at the situation from their shoes, understand the emotional impact of what you are about to say, be empathetic, and keep focused on your ultimate goal coming out of that conversation. What do you want to happen and how does that best serve your client’s interest? You will find you are far more successful in gaining compliance, coming to agreement, and maintaining trust – making all subsequent conversations much easier as well. 

Another brilliant woman, Maya Angelou, said it even better than Mae West. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but  people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Real Estate Imagery: A ‘Rock’ and a Hard Place

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It always amazes me how quickly the market turns, and what happens to renters and buyers as they watch the bottom disappear behind them in the rearview mirror.

A perfect recent example of this is the New York City rental market, which quickly went from high inventory, drastically reduced prices, and incentives galore in the Spring of 2021, to a dearth of inventory, dwindling free rent, and over-compensated price increases only a few months later. Timing the bottom of the rental market in 2021 was virtually impossible. For renters waiting on the sidelines, it just came and went like a passing bullet train.

At the risk of presuming too much about you – my audience – I am going to share a cocktail metaphor to help explain the turn of a market. Hopefully, this humorous bit of imagery will encourage you to think twice about attempting to “time” the bottom of the rental or sales markets, rather than taking advantage of price flexibility, loss aversion, market uncertainty, and less competition with a more aggressive strategy or by gathering more information.

Here goes…

Imagine a man sitting at the bar, sipping his favorite “on the rocks” cocktail. Maybe it’s a Gimlet with a lime wedge garnish or a Mojito with a mint sprig on a hot summer day – or a Manhattan or Martini while he waits for a quiet table in the corner.

Now, imagine you are one of the several lucky ice cubes dropped into his cocktail (yes, in this metaphor you are a ‘ROCK’!). Released from the grip of the ice tongs, you gracefully tumble to the bottom of the glass dancing and flipping with glee, eagerly anticipating being doused with alcohol and vegetation – fulfilling your lifelong ice cube dream.

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Your new, floor-to-ceiling windowed, loft-like container is served atop a fancy bar napkin to the patron, who greets you with a welcoming grin. He sips, he talks, he sips, he check out the results of the Olympic Artistic Swimming finals, he sips again. Eventually, after several swigs and nips, you and your fellow cubes begin to feel the naked liberation of fresh air and the faint glow of florescent bar signs, as you wade in a shallow pool of what little remains the alcohol. For a moment, you bask in the glow of your freedom, until you realize, your time is limited. You are warming to the temperature of the room and your environment is changing rapidly.

As you begin to melt, you do your best to resist the inevitable by clinging to the other ice cubes for comfort, and begin congeal into one unified ice rebellion at the bottom of the glass. Suddenly, the patron feels a craving for a cube of ice (and what little alcohol remains on it) to munch on, and turns toward the glass for satisfaction.

He brings the glass to his lips and angles it slightly, expecting you to slide effortlessly into his mouth, yet, nothing happens.

You hold tight, cling to the other cubes for strength, and grip the walls of the glass. He gives the glass a slightly steeper tilt, but still you will not free yourself from the group and slide to your destiny. You feel compelled to hold out just a little longer – you are waiting for the perfect time to leap. With another tilt of the glass, you curse a couple of weak water droplets and a lazy lime wedge slide by, but still you wait.

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Suddenly, he gives the glass a gentle shake and pitches the glass to a near-90-degree angle. The pure physics of the situation are against you. The cube next to you wriggles free of the congealed mass and begins to slide to the mouth of the glass. It’s at that precise moment, you and the rest of the melting cohort recognize your harsh reality – you cannot hold out any longer. It is time to go! You panic, release your hold on the bottom of the glass and plow forward as one, reckless, out of control, desperate mob. SMACK. You come to rest against his moustache hair and upper lip, completely missing his mouth.

Remember, you are rarely ever the only ‘rock’ in the glass. As the glass empties (inventory decreases) and environment changes (market or competition), the melting, congealing mass of ice (you and the other buyers or renters) – all waiting for the “right” moment to pounce – inevitably rush forward, desperately trying to win the race to the bottom. This momentum quickly shifts the power balance to the other side and the “bottom” disappears behind you.

Lesson: Instead of leaving your fortunes to physics or fate, control your path and your achieve your goal with a sound plan, strategy, preparation, persuasion, and negotiation.

My name is Eirik Davey-Gislason and I work in real estate in New York City. This blog is an opportunity for me to educate everyone who has a horror story or is on the verge of one. By sharing, preparing and advising my audience on what to expect, what is normal, what is right, and what is wrong, I hope to do my part to expose the wrong-doers and shape the future of this dysfunctional thing we call NYC Real Estate.